I have a point to all this. And I’m gonna get to my point pretty soon.
Do you see where it says tell God and another human being of all the trauma endured?
That’s what I just did. I told you guys.
20 years ago, I would not have been able to talk about any of this. I wouldn’t have trusted any of you. Today I can tell it to whoever. I’ve told hundreds of people. I’ve told God. But this is how I can become connected to humans again.
Now do you guys see where it says forgive everyone who has harmed you by understanding that they are just human
is my mom allowed to smack me in the face? For me to answer that question. I have to know where she came from. What culture what country
Did she get smacked in the face when her behavior was wrong? Most likely yes. Was disciplining their kids legal in her country. Yes it was
But when we’re a little children. We take these disciplines. With some trauma.
we judge our parents. We’re just little kids. Trying to play judge. Yes it was hurtful. Yes it sucks getting smacked in the face. But the question I have to ask myself was. WAS IT MALICIOUS
Was my mom trying to traumatize me? Was she trying to give me wounds for the rest of my life? Was it that malicious? Is she guilty?
Are you guys following me here?
I made a judgment against her saying she was guilty. And I lived as if she was guilty for like over 20 years.
I’m gonna get to my dad in a second. But in regards to my mom. I WAS BIG TIME GUILTY. And I owed her an apology the size of a mountain.
Back to my list…. We understand they are imperfect human beings. That’s how we forgive…
having different culture. Not knowing how they grew up. Not knowing what they went through. … that’s how we forgive everyone. Including our parents.
The last line of the second paragraph. Ask for forgiveness without expecting an apology back.
I was guilty, but my mom was not guilty. How do I make up for this? I messed up big time. And I needed to make AMENDS. I needed to fix this. So that I can be reconnected to human beings again.
I told my mom. Of everything that I did to you. All the torture I put you through. For decades. Blaming you for this and that….
“I WAS WRONG. What can i do to MAKE IT RIGHT?”
This is the best way to apologize. I have not found a better way to apologize. I’m telling them. I malfunctioned. I was wrong. I didn’t do much right. WHAT CAN I DO to make things right?
I was able to make this apology five years ago. And I’m grateful that I did this while she was alive.
After I said this apology. And my mom. She was a sweet woman. She just told me , “i always told you that your mom means you no harm.” And i fully understood that finally
Walls came crumbling down within me. My low self-esteem that I had all my life was all of a sudden. At its highest point. I had confidence. I didn’t care what people thought about anymore. I was no longer self-conscious. All my fears evaporated.
Any psychosis I had up until that point. Vanished.
Are you guys listening to me in here?!! I’m throwing you guys a life preserver. A life raft.
We accept life situations, exactly as they are. Refrain from expectations.
That’s where we get pissed off. From having expectations .
Resentment. This is the worst thing a human being can have.. you can have cancer. You can have diabetes.. You can be deaf.
I would rather be deaf than have resentments. Resentment is I drink poison but I hope you die.
My dad was a compulsive gambler, a sex addict, who I barely saw between ages of five And fifteen. And the only rumors I heard about him was that he was cheating on my mom. And gambling away our fortunes.
I understand what addiction is. And i don’t judge it. Addiction is obsessive compulsion that cannot be stopped by most human powers
He just did not know a better way. He did not have a working solution.
He was an in mperfect human just like the rest of us. Some of us are hooked on ice cream. Some of us are hooked on something more severe. It’s not his fault that his vice was the most vicious vice in the world. I’m talking about gambling.
Abraham have you heard of original sin?
Original sin was passed down through the fallen angels fornicating with humans
