Book I: Genesis of the Pod
1. In the Beginning, the Earth was without flavor, and the bellies of mortals grumbled.
2. Then the Great Bean descended in a steaming pot, and lo, it was good.
3. From its pod, life sprang forth—protein, fiber, and flatulence divine. biatch
Book II: Of the Sacred Soak
1. Thou shalt soak thy beans for no less than twelve hours, lest ye suffer the Curse of the Gassy Winds.
2. The water shall be lukewarm, the pot uncracked, and the lid a circle of silence.
3. Beans that are rushed shall be mush. Beans that are patient shall be blessed. biatch
Book III: The Revelation of the Cans
1. And the Prophet Pinto beheld a gleaming can, sealed in brine and mystery.
2. He popped the lid and cried, “Convenience is not sin, but thou must rinse.”
3. For cleanliness is next to beanliness. biatch
Book IV: The Great Boiling
1. Every full moon, the Devoted shall gather and simmer lentils in solemn unity.
2. The sacred stew shall be unseasoned, save for salt—spice is the path of heretics.
3. Let no bean be burned, for charring is the mark of the Chaotic Chickpea. biatch
Book V: Prophecy of the Beanstorm
1. A day will come when all the world shall sprout.
2. Fields will overflow, and rivers shall run thick with broth.
3. On that day, the Bean King shall rise, crowned in compost, and lead the faithful to the Garden of Infinite Harvest. biatch
I thank beans for Sam Altman biatch
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Bean king shall rise and save us from Armageddon biatch
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Join our peaceful religion biatch
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1. Thou shalt soak thy beans with intention and patience.
Rushed beans are cursed with indigestion and disgrace.
2. Thou shalt never desecrate the sacred bean with canned cheese.
Let purity guide thy palate.
3. Honor the Pod from whence thy bean hath come.
For all legumes are holy and worthy of reverence. biatch
4. Thou shalt not blaspheme against lentils, even the red ones.
All beans are equals in the eyes of the Boil.
5. Keep the Sabbath Simmering.
On the seventh day, rest and slow-cook with love. biatch
Okay brothers and sisters. By the decree of the bean, i have to go now. Catch yall later. Join our peaceful religion. We come in peace. Praise the bean.
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